Saturday, May 31, 2014

Holy Cow Shit

Asparagus grown in the home garden surely must represent an optimistic attitude of futuristic plans. With a three year wait period until the first harvest, patience and a willingness to deprive yourself of instant gratification comes into play.

I recently read a quote by Abraham Lincoln that went more or less like this...I walk slow, but I never walk back.

Mister and I have talked of planting asparagus in our garden for years. One of these days. This year was finally the year. We purchased one year old plants from a local nursery. Jersey Giant variety, which turns out are all male plants. This is a good thing. I would like to tell you that I knew exactly what I was doing and planned it that way. Fact is, Mister and I found a day to escape what has become our world of madness and found ourselves buying asparagus plants.
The nice guy working at the farm told me how to plant them. I had no idea asparagus plants comes in male and female plants. Male plants produce more yield because there is no energy spent on behalf of the male plant put into flowering. I guess we just lucked out and bought the right variety. I'm thinking 5 plants are probably not enough. In three years we will know for sure, time will tell.

We had an area freshly turned over and ready for a third planting of potatoes. It's about 3 feet wide and 9 feet long. What we did.

  • Dug our holes for each plant about 1.5 feet apart and about 8 inches deep. Deep enough to set the asparagus plant slightly below soil level.
  • Mixed in manure. I bought the Holy Cow variety. Somehow I find that name hilarious for bagged cow poop.
  • Cover the plant gently with poop/soil mixture
  • Water well
  • This step may not apply to your house. We have a male, collie/lab mix big boy named Tucker who pretty much lifts his leg on anything new in our yard, so we put a short little picket fence around our tender asparagus. Dog pee not friendly... cow poop friendly.
Now we wait.

Mister has a brain tumor. There I said it. I know, just know, he is going to get through this. We have had a wild string of slaps in the face to endure the past 5 months.With the news of my Mom's dementia and coming to live with us, then Mister having a huge issue with his left kidney that has required and needs additional surgery in the past 6 weeks, to getting a phone call on our anniversary from an endocrinologist telling us the results of an MRI. Yep, a brain tumor. Pardon me when I say "fuck" really loud.

Mixed in to this strange brew came some sorta well meaning siblings of my Mom's freaking out that I enlisted the help of a respite care facility while we address serious matters here at our home. Oh yes. Pulled out all of the stops and now Mom doesn't live here anymore. Holy Cow.

So I am going to walk slow, but I will not walk back.

Mister and I are gonna spread that cow shit on our asparagus every year and in 3 years from now we are going to sit back and smile. Because damn it we will have earned it!

I've read asparagus plants like a nice compost tea. Maybe I will brew up a little next year and see what happens.



Since we are on the subject of crap. When the bird crap on your car has that lovely shade of purple mixed in....the berries are ripe on the vine.



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