Friday, December 4, 2015

Robo Wall

With nothing but the sound of the little white dog snoring and the heater purring along as if billowing out warm conversation, I sit stumped. In the dark. This odd blue glow in the room from the laptop only adds to the overly stillness of the world at this moment.

For months I've wandered away from the vast land of the internet and submerged myself in the video gaming world to ease my way into slumber. Not writing nor reading. Not surfing nor shopping. Just not internet-ting.

From time to time there has been this attempt to force my writing voice to the forefront and hammer out some meaningless dribble just to entertain any possible person passing by. Just as quickly I shake it off and move along. Have I missed the bloggers and the blogging. Somewhat.

With my world a buzz with children getting married, moving, moving far far away, changes in careers, and the ever challenging heartache of a parent with Alzheimer's, my robotic self sealing person has chosen to remain silent.

Crisis situations or at a minimum, pitiful circumstances, breeds mouths spewing sheets of nonsense on a regular basis. You might know a blow hole or two in your own life. Should I ever be unfortunate enough to decline in my mental capacity. Well, I'd just like to take a few people out at the knees. Although the clacking of my keyboard has not been silent for eighteen months. There has been an icy hush flowing through my veins as I sit back and watch the spewing mouths orchestrate elaborate schemes which ultimately lead in a circle back to the beginning.

 Alzheimer's is rapidly plucking away at the mind of a person who once loved me and cared for me. That's pitiful. Nonsense takes shape and has names. Those names are of people who would for their own twisted drama isolate away the tiny bit of what remains of someones mind as the disease continues to ravage. I sat and waited.

Have you ever noticed the mouth of a liar? It moves quickly and without ever pausing, catching it's breath as if pressing the space bar. Like a wildfire. Oxygen charged blazing red hot quick moving fire. A wise woman once remarked, "Everything will be okay when it's over, if not, then it's not over"

As she no doubt sits alone in the dark miles away from me. Do the liars hear the silence of her heart? Or the echos of the silence speaking in my heart. The noise of their mouths no doubt drowns out the broken whispers. Noise for their own need to have uproar and chaos about in their lives. Simple minds which have no understanding of the echo.

All the while I've cooked. Baked. Grew the vegetables and flowers. Moved about in my world as always. Not sharing or daring to care enough to share. Coming from a place where little dogs snore and echoes are heard.

Wearing my Kevlar and watching the red hot fire move quickly. Burning the ditch lines to prevent anything from growing. Not weeds nor flowers. Miles down the road now, left behind.

Is a mother and daughter.

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