Saturday, December 3, 2011

Me Birfday

Considering the tears that swelled in my eyes today.
 The glow of my birthday candles
 and my own reflection,
 in the eyes of my children.
 One by one
 I met eyes with the four.
 Singing Happy Birthday,
 and in a slow motion reality,
 for that moment, I saw love.

Janice Weyand

My day started out with the wonderful well wishes from friends via the internet. Mister returned home this morning with pastries from a wonderful bakery and a cake decorated with snowflakes.
Anna and Aimee made me a card that started the laughter for the day. Over the years, the handwritten messages have meant so much to me.
Josh, who has a way with words, gave me his handwritten wishes, and a tin filled with Walkers shortbread. His words validated my contribution to the lives of my children.
Libby brought me an iced coffee, and her ever cheerful spirit.

Surprised in myself, I cried as they sang Happy Birthday to me. I wonder if they realize how much it means to me to gaze into their eyes and know they love me.

Parenting is not a great self-esteem builder. I've made mistakes. Even with my heart invested in every moment, little things can slip by. At certain ages, children are all too quick to point out and remind us of every slip.

It wasn't until my children were grown that I realized, forgiving our parents for being human is so important. When my kids were young, it was easy to remember the failings of own my parents. The little things...convinced that I would be the best. Then, children inevitably do things...little things, that cut us to the quick. During those moments we dwell on every cross word, and stern moment.

Oh sure, there are the joys. The proud moments. Times when we feel confident in the paths we have taken and the world we created for our children. Those are not the times we lose sleep over.

Today, I am blessed. The diverse personalities, ambitions, success, failures, past, present and future could be seen in the reflection of their eyes. Candles burning on my snowflake cake and the words "Dear Mom" as they sang Happy Birthday. Validated the life spent, devoted to the love of who they are.

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